I'm more then not sure. I'm positive I don't like that last line. Especially since it utterly snaps the mode you had going on in the rest of the piece. It's a firm, solid list, but to work it needs an equally firm and solid, yet (I hate this word) poetic ending that is still as detached as the rest of it is. I can see this going places, but right now that ending just betrays the good things going on elsewhere.

Also, I might suggest a change of title as well, once you've reworded it a bit. I think you'll find the current one won't work as well once you do.

bah, I like the last line